Clippin' Up

Holy Mackerel. Nothing's been posted since last year. How did you survive through such an ordeal? Clearly, you're made of stronger stuff than the vast majority. Like three standard deviations away, baking using protein powder as a substitute for flour kind of stronger.

Go ahead. Reward yourself. You've earned it.

However, I do plan to redeem myself for this absence.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm about to redeem all afflictions I would have ever caused. Too bad that's never happened.

I'm about to solve something that's in your top 5 problems list. It's likely addressed in your New Year's Resolution. It could probably help you find true love. Or even better--a bucket of cats.

You're welcome.

Yes, here you have it: a solution to all those bobby pins you're always losing.

You buy a thousand bobby pins at a time. You've bought hundreds of thousands, of millions in your lifetime. With this economy, you've considered getting a stable job at the Bobby Pin Factory, since you've long realized that it's the only sure-fire business that will never suffer at any period in history because of consumers such as yourself. Plus, with all you'd save from the employee discount, you'd be likely to be able to finally afford all the pins that you ever needed.

Except there's no such thing as all pins that you ever needed. You always need more.

Because bobby pins are evil. Have you ever met a Bobby? Me neither. But he's probably evil. That one kid in your group project, never around at the time he's needed, but still manages to creep into your life, into your hair, probably always getting tangled in twine and hanging grapevines. He falls, but he never breaks his hip. Instead, he just disappears until you've already replaced his friendship. When you look for him, desperate, if he's lurking about, he's rusty, he's bent, he's... confident. Confident that you'll always need him. That you'll always come crawling back.

Fun fact: Bobby only gets acne on the right side of his face (not pictured). Also, his right arm is always bent in the "skinny arm" pose.

But no more. Because you know what's always around, even when Bobby isn't?

Binder clips.

Binder clips are always there for you, even when you aren't there for them. Binder clips are your friends, your allies, your new heroes.

Binder clips have always slaved away, solely hidden in the workplace. Not anymore. They've broken down those cubicle walls and will soon emerge on the streets, on the runways, on you.

Though this model would suggest otherwise, they're not just for the prettiest girl in school. Any beard aficionados? Where Dumbledore dons a rubber band, you sport a binder clip.

Clipsters..

Soon, you'll find you'll also sport the label of "Most Likely to Succeed if They Hadn't Already Succeeded."

In fact, the versatility of the binder clip is basically endless. The personification of fashion, it has no restrictions. Its potential is only limited by your ability to use it.

The workings of the nose clip are a mystery.

So, this year, go forth, be merry, and use a binder clip.

Or at least something really close to one.